Life goes on...

For some reason today my thoughts have been on this sweet little boy that I haven't held in such a long, long time. I'm missing him and wishing so much that I could kiss his sweet little cheeks one more time. I want him back. But if I could hold him again, I know that I would never let go. I have to trust that he is in a better place, being loved as I love him. It's hard to believe that he has been gone for almost 6 years. We "celebrated" his 6th birthday on December 31st. I still haven't quite figured out how to handle that day, but this year was better. I knew that I didn't want to spend the day in emotional exhaustion, and so I decided that I would just keep busy. It worked out pretty well until the older girls mentioned that they would like to visit the cemetery and take him a teddy bear for his birthday. We did. How I hate the cemetery! That's just not how I like to think of Austin. It brings back the painful memories. We took them out to dinner afterwards to make it a little more upbeat and it seemed to work out. The harder day for me is February 21st. I remember so vividly the day he died. I remember driving home to tell my 2 little girls that their brother would never be coming home and thinking that I couldn't wait for some time to pass so that my heart wouldn't ache so much. On that day it still hurts like it was yesterday and I wonder how things would be different if he were still here. I miss him and love him so much. My sweet little angel boy!