When Mark and I found out that Sierra would be going to the Early Childhood Intervention program, we were excited. Excited to finally have some answers, excited for her to get some help, excited for her to be able to return to school and make new friends. We are still really grateful and anxious to see the progress that she makes, but I think now that I am going through a grieving process of sorts. Our daughter has been diagnosed with a problem. No, it's not life threatening. But it could be life altering. Someone told me my baby isn't perfect and that hurts! I'm worried about what her future might hold and how people will perceive and treat her now that she has this label. Mark is more optimistic and really thinks that she will be fine. But when I drop her off every morning I see the other kids that are in her class and realize that she fits in. Not that these kids are bad or anything, but they're the kids you feel sorry for because of the challenges that they've been given in this life. I went to the bookstore to get a book that was recommended and was directed to the section for "children with special needs". I'll admit that I shed a tear, right there in Barnes and Noble. In fact, I've cried a lot the last week or so. I'm not ready to have my baby gone so much...I miss her! I don't like knowing that something is "wrong" and wondering what that means for her. Will she struggle to learn? Will she be "normal"? Will other kids laugh at her or treat her differently? How will this change our family? No one told me that being a mom could be so heartbreaking!Today I dropped her off at school and she didn't want to go. She clung to my neck and then was so sad when I finally drove away. She tried to pull her hand out of the teacher's and chase after me. I cried again, just like I do everyday when I drop her off. And with every tear I say a prayer for her and for her wonderful teachers...and hug her just a little bit tighter!
9 Comments:
Sierra is lovey.
You're in my prayers, Kristen. I have no words.
You are amazing. I would have had a breakdown by now with worry! Sierra comes from two strong parents, she will handle the challenges that come her way, and will be loved by many
are you kidding? she is beautiful, she looks like a fighter, you can do this and I will keep you in my prayers.
Just think about what a great spirit she is that she is taking on these challenges. They seem so small compared to all the joy that there is . You are right kids can be mean, just keep in mind that you get that special girl in your home each night to tuck into bed to reasure her that she is a daughter of God who loves her no matter what people might say.
Sierra is always an angel with me. I love her. You rejoice in her simple accomplishments everyday! :)
Sierra IS a perfect little gal to all who know and love her. I have been thinking of you 2, and will keep you in my prayers.
i feel for you--parenting is so flipping hard. she is perfect in every way.
I shed a tear...reading this. Motherhood has been the most tender time of my life. i'll be thinking of you!
I haven't been where you are first hand, but I do know what it is like to love those little ones to the point it hurts sometimes. You are brave and strong and Sierra has that too. She will be ok and she will do really well. Even if it means extra hugs whenever she is in your arms. I will say extra prayers for you guys too!
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